How I Meditate: Josh Roman

“I’m better at handling disagreements. Countless times I’ve felt myself developing a sense of frustration that in the past would have had me leaping into either a heated discussion or an autocratic “just do it my way” directive. These days, I’m able to notice the emotions, briefly thank them for existing, and then choose how best to approach the situation.”

Josh Roman is the Head of Product & Technology at KokoFitClub, a gym franchise with over 130 locations that uses technology and data to personalize workouts. He’s logged hundreds of days of meditation on Coach.me since he joined two years ago (and is now a popular coach). He told us how meditation has boosted his performance at work and improved his relationships at home.

How does meditation help you excel?

My EQ has gone through the roof. Oh, and I find my ability to (a) focus on my most important tasks and (b) to “eat the frog” first thing has drastically improved. It’s so much easier to notice when I’m procrastinating–I recognize the feeling, spend a moment asking myself what I’m afraid of, and then (usually) choose to get back to work. Definitely more productive.
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I’m also better at handling disagreements. Countless times I’ve felt myself developing a sense of frustration that in the past would have had me leaping into either a heated discussion or an autocratic “just do it my way” directive. These days, I’m able to notice the emotions, briefly thank them for existing, and then choose how best to approach the situation. In most cases, this means asking questions and really making sure I understand the situation before responding, and then choosing how best to respond.

What is your meditation routine?

I wake early, at 4:30 or 5:00 when my family is still asleep. I go directly downstairs where I have a zabuton cushion that I can put in front of our empty fireplace. I sit for about 20 minutes. I’m currently working my way through the Headspace Mind Series. The semi-guided style works well for me, and Andy is excellent at dropping in questions or themes to help deepen insight.

Why did you start meditating? What was your goal?

I’ve always had a latent interest in Eastern philosophy. I took a course on Buddhism at Princeton, including reading a number of books by Thich Nhat Hahn on mindfulness in everyday life. Meditation sounded deeply interesting, but was presented with just enough religious significance & trappings that I had difficulty resolving conflicts with my strongly Christian upbringing. I’m no longer religious in any traditional sense, and the challenges of becoming a father to an adopted son with a trauma history really had me searching for ways to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life. Add in a college roommate who studies meditation, a few serendipitous blog posts, and the launch of Lift and it all came together.
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My goals are three-fold. First, to cultivate a sense of self-discipline that I can apply to every other goal, habit and endeavor in life. Second, to be more present, intentional and equanimous with my family against the backdrop of my son’s challenges and the distracting society in which we live. Third, to learn more about myself and the world around me through the practice of meditation. It’s hard to believe one can learn so much by doing so little. And there’s some spirituality in this as well, a feeling of tapping into universal truths. That’s the really fun part.

You mentioned that meditation benefits extended to your personal life. Can you tell me more?

Yes. On the simplistic side, I’m more mindful of things that are important to my wife and behaving in ways that show I care. e.g. making sure all dishes are done at the end of the day. making the bed in the morning. She’s noticed that I’m more mindful and present, and it helps in our relationship and in all areas of my life. I simply didn’t *really* pay attention before, or was so easily distracted that there was no time for the little things.

With my son, the difference is even more dramatic. He’s prone to emotional outbursts and physical reactions to the most innocuous of situations, and his mood can change from moment to moment. All of the usual parenting expectations and techniques go right out the window when your child has PTSD. But on the flip side, what an amazing opportunity to practice mindfulness! I am learning not to react to his outbursts — to recognize and accept my reactions and then to respond in a measured, loving way. Not easy. Not easy at all. But meditation helps immeasurably, both in my ability to parent and to understand some his internal dynamics. What happens inside my head is the same thing that happens in the brain of someone with trauma, it’s just that in their brain it happens even faster and at a deeper, more primal level. Right now I’m just modeling mindfulness for him, but I hope to be able to introduce him to meditation some day.

Do you think meditation gives you a competitive edge?

Absolutely. I’m more present and focused at home–which equals more effective downtime, rest and recuperation–and more present and focused at work. I get more done in less time. It’s easier for me to discern the essence of an issue and focus only on what’s truly important.

Additionally, while running and lifting weights I’ve found new reserves of stamina. In the past I identified and listened to the little voice that said “it’s ok, this is hard, you can stop.” Now, I recognize that it’s just a thought and much of what I used to consider serious discomfort is just something to be accepted and pushed through. Not injurious pain, just what Steven Pressfield might call The Resistance. Meditation has helped me overcome The Resistance in many situations.